The Gloom Family Personality Quiz
Which miserable household are you destined to join? Every one is a tragedy, but in their own special way. Answer the following questions to discover your true, unfortunate home.
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1. What is your ultimate ambition in life?
To conquer the limitations of mortality through groundbreaking, if slightly unethical, scientific discovery.
To maintain appearances and social standing, while secretly cultivating a legacy of delightful, pure, unadulterated evil.
To ensure the family remains in power, no matter how many other relatives need to be... tidied up.
To finally put on ONE successful show. Just one! Is that too much to ask? (Yes, it probably is.)
To create a breathtaking work of art that perfectly captures the exquisite beauty of your own unending suffering.
To build a respectable business empire where problems are solved quickly, quietly, and with the help of a few good "associates."
To see the world, hunt the most exotic creatures, and perhaps... sample the local cuisine. Very, very local cuisine.
2
You're faced with a persistent, annoying rival. How do you handle them?
I'd simply wait for them to expire and then "acquire" their best traits for my next project. Waste not, want not.
I'd invite them to a dinner party. A little poison in the consommé, a few whispered rumors to ruin their reputation... the evening will be a success.
I'd ask my handyman to "handle" it. The problem, and the rival, will be buried by dawn.
I'd offer them a starring role in my most dangerous new act. The problem will likely take care of itself.
I'd channel my anguish into a terrible poem, then drink cheap wine until I forget their name.
I'd send some of the boys over to make them an offer they can't refuse. Or an offer they literally can't refuse, because they'll be in a cement overcoat.
I'd challenge them to a hunt in the jungle. I know the terrain. They, on the other hand, look like they'd make a good stew.
3
Your ideal home would be...
A workshop-castle equipped with a state-of-the-art laboratory, a well-stocked graveyard, and plenty of lightning rods.
A mysterious, sprawling manor with lovely gardens perfect for burying secrets and a staff that knows when to look the other way.
A secluded, foreboding farmhouse where the floorboards don't creak and the soil is soft enough for... intensive gardening.
A travelling caravan! Home is wherever the tent is pitched, even if the locals are chasing you out of town with pitchforks.
A dingy-yet-charming café, filled with the ghosts of failed dreams, the smell of absinthe, and other tortured artists.
A discreet downtown hotel or a speakeasy, where the clientele are loyal and the police are on the payroll.
A towering treehouse deep in the sticks, far from civilization, with a fantastic view of the local hunting grounds.
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What's your idea of a perfect evening's entertainment?
Tinkering with a new creation in the lab. It's so exciting when you finally get a limb to twitch just right.
Hosting a séance where I can subtly torment the guests while pretending to be a gracious host.
A quiet night in, polishing the silver, sharpening the knives, and updating the family tree by scratching a few names out.
Watching my performers fail spectacularly in front of a half-empty tent. It's tragic, but it's still a show.
Reading tragically bad poetry aloud, weeping about a lost love, and arguing about the meaning of art until dawn.
A nice game of poker in a smoke-filled back room, where we can discuss "business" and count our earnings.
Having a few... guests... over for a bonfire and dinner. The main course is always a surprise!
5
A strange, unidentified package arrives at your door. What's your first thought?
"Excellent! The fresh organs I ordered have arrived. Hopefully they're still... viable."
"It must be from an admirer. Or it's a bomb. Either way, I'll have the butler open it."
"Who found the body? I thought I buried it deeper than that."
"Please be a new performer who has an actual, marketable talent. Or at least a new tent."
"Is it a letter from my publisher, finally recognizing my genius? Or is it another eviction notice?"
"It's either a warning from a rival family or a gift from a grateful client. Let's check it for ticking."
"I hope it's not another cursed idol from the locals. The last one made the monkey even more sinister."
